Memoir, from just outside the box
Snap, Crackle and Pop
SNAP
She said...
Yesterday, when I was purging old T-shirts and underwear, I came across this letter. Many conflicts ago, I’d stuck it in the back of the dresser drawer. The letter arrived in our mailbox in July of 2011. Dick and I got married in March of that year. For the four years preceding the marriage, I’d lived in Columbus while he was in Zanesville, and then Steubenville. One might assume that the addressee of the letter, my husband Dick, would have understood he was busted. But, no. To this day, he maintains that he has absolutely no idea who sent the letter. I guess that means he had multiple “arrangements” with a number of women whose names begin with “K."
A MISTRESS SCORNED
Dear Mr. Johnson,
You really shouldn't have fucked me over. You are a high school principal. You have a daughter. One might expect you to act with integrity. You ditched your burner phone and disabled your email. If you think I'm going to let you get away with hurting me, think again, bucko.
Yes, we had an arrangement, but arrangement or not, I didn't deserve to hear about your new wife via the school rumor mill. You managed to show up at my house for a fuck the week you got married, but you did not have the decency to tell me what was going on. You hurt my feelings and I am trying to work through that, but first I need to unload.
I didn't expect or want anything more from you than what it was, but that did not give you the right to be cruel. All these months and now, hearing what I am hearing about you, I shouldn't be surprised that you are such an awesome liar. Is that how your mother raised you?
Everything you told me about your relationship with Diane was nothing but lies. What a set up you had, with Diane in Columbus and me here in Steubenville. News flash: What was going on between us was not the big secret you thought it was. For God sakes, this is a small town. People love to gossip. I hope it puts you over the edge, wondering who knows the truth about you.
You think you are so loved by the staff and the kids. The truth is, you are barely tolerated. Your character is in question. You've squandered all respect. It is now apparent that many of your problems in Zanesville were not caused by others, but by you. Your credibility is shot. I have every intention of letting people know what the real Dick Johnson is like.
While I'm at it, I may as well throw a few punches at your new wife. As my granddaddy used to say, "That one looks rode hard and put up wet." Why couldn't you find a new pony that was classier, and friendly? I do get a perverse pleasure out of watching her tense up and bristle when you talk to other women. Apparently, Diane isn't as stupid as she looks. You might want to train her to stop whining about no longer living in Columbus, and to stop fretting about all the time you spend at school functions, and to stop grousing about your tight purse strings, and to shut up about her tree-hugger political views.
Don't think that I'm going to calm down and start back up with you when Diane gets wise to your bullshit, freezes up and starts wondering if marrying you was a big mistake. You probably hate me for calling you out, but I don't care. I feel better now.
By the way, you fuck like an old man.
K
CRACKLE
He said…
In Montana, 1983 was my sixth and last year in the 12x12 cabin on the Blackfoot River. I had tried and failed to transform myself into a writer. What began as an heroic risk had come to a dead end. Not much was left of me but a smoldering heap of delusion, the husk of a man. That summer, I was so thoroughly chewed out by my girlfriend that the blast blew my hair straight back.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
No woman in the world is looking for a man as lost as you. Women don't dream of making love to lost souls. If you want a woman, then you must realize you are talking about love, money, reliable engines, and more than two plates, two forks and two spoons. I'm feeling the weight of your failure. You are in another nosedive and this time I'm not cleaning up the mess. I no longer want you cluttering the debit side of my being. I've already got my caseload. The nursing homes are full of borderliners and I'm responsible for forty of them.
Your stance, formerly revolutionary and admirable, is now pathetic. Get a job, get a car, get insurance. Rent a place with running water and ten times more than 144 square feet. Get off my shit can and out of my liquor cabinet. You need new clothes, counseling and a dose of self-respect. Transform your dead dream into a live animal act or move your aging butt out of my life. Stop pretending someone is coming to save you. Get out that door and go be great.
POP
He said…
Dick. Another potent and potentially incendiary four-letter word.
When I see a giant pickup truck taking up two spaces in the Safeway parking lot, I will mutter, "Dick," meaning that the owner of the truck is compensating for his... shortcomings.
I watched only one minute of Trump's parade... one tank rolled past on the TV screen, then came a shot of Trump in the viewing stand. Donald awkwardly saluted the troops as they shuffled past. Trump's parade was nothing but a penis extension, a manifestation of his... dick.
With Trump's military parade in mind, I would like to ask ChatGPT...
How much of the evil that men do is powered by unrequited lust, sexual insecurity and misogyny?
She said...
Here it is... Chat's thoughtful answer.
This is a profound and necessary question—one that touches on psychology, sociology, history, and power dynamics. While it’s difficult to quantify the exact proportions, unrequited lust, sexual insecurity, and misogyny have undeniably fueled a great deal of harm, both historically and in the present day. Here’s a closer look at how each plays a role in “the evil that men do."
Unrequited Lust / Fuel for Obsession and Violence / Entitlement to Women's Bodies
When desire is not reciprocated, some individuals, especially those socialized to equate rejection with humiliation, may respond with aggression. This is seen in stalking, harassment, revenge porn, and in acts of violence. Cultural norms often teach men that they are owed attention, affection, or sex, and when that is denied, it can provoke rage and retaliation.
Sexual Insecurity / Fragile Masculinity / Projection and Control
When sexual performance or appeal is seen as central to a man's worth, insecurity can breed overcompensation through dominance or cruelty and abuse of power to assert control. Insecure individuals may lash out to avoid their own vulnerabilities.
Misogyny / Patriarchal Violence / Cultural Conditioning
Misogyny isn't just the personal dislike of women. It is the systemic belief in their inferiority. Misogyny drives honor killings, domestic violence and femicide. Misogyny drives legal and institutional oppression, from denying women education to restricting bodily autonomy. Men raised in misogynistic environments may not even recognize the harm they cause.
Combined Effects
These three forces often interact. A man feels rejected (unrequited lust), fears humiliation (sexual insecurity) and blames or punishes the woman (misogyny). This triangle has underpinned countless acts of violence, repression and cruelty, especially when paired with power and impunity.
How Much Evil?
In short: a lot. While not all evil stems from the above sources, male insecurity and misogyny account for a significant portion of interpersonal, gendered, and systemic harm, particularly gender-based violence, abuse of women and girls, sexual exploitation and coercion, and laws written to control women's roles and bodies. Addressing these root causes... through education, accountability, and cultural change... would greatly reduce the suffering in the world.
THOUGHT CRIME
“The zombie movie is one of our richest cultural metaphors.”
Women have now come full circle from our hard won independence back to subservience to men. Don’t let the number of women in high government and private positions fool you. They are puppets to the men who helped them succeed. Men will always win. Even the Bible says it.
This is the part that frightens me the most:
Men raised in misogynistic environments may not even recognize the harm they cause.
It’s so pervasive. Even now.